Yikes. I honestly thought it had just been a few weeks since I updated last, but it’s almost been two months.
Time creeps away from you if you let it.
That’s not really a good thing. I have been busy lately, but not overly so. Dad’s been visiting from overseas, and our small flat is overflowing, with my brother inhabiting the spare room, and Dad the lounge room. The Lovely Boyfriend is to be commended on his patience at this extended invasion of family into ‘our’ space. I’m going a little stir crazy. I like my own space, my own area to retreat and I’ve lost it. I’m hot-desking with The Lovely Boyfriend. I don’t even have my own bloody desk for a month.
My lack of sleep is the price to pay for The Lovely Boyfriend’s sanity. We’ve retreated into our bedroom. But our hours an incompatible.
Don’t get me wrong. I hadn’t seen my father for three and a half years before I picked him up from the airport two week ago, it’s great to see him, I just wish we had more room.
I didn’t think he’d be sleeping on my couch for the entire 4 weeks, but things happen. Life happens. Cousins move back into their parents spare room, blocking that avenue. Brother-in-law’s brother gets very ill and then after fighting for his life for almost 4 weeks, passes away at the grand old age of 34, so I feel extremely petty and unreasonable in even thinking of asking my sister if she can put Dad up for a few nights. She can’t. I don’t ask. I just go and look after their dog while they travel for the funeral and mourn for a life taken too soon.
Death is hovering so close to life, but we try not to think about it too much.
A little over a week ago was the tenth anniversary of two very dear friends’ untimely deaths. They were only 18 and 20 when they were killed in a horrific car accident. Ten years. I’ve lived a third longer than they have. I think about them often, and wonder what they’d be up to if they’d got to that intersection a few minutes later. Would we even still be friends? I hope so, but many of my friends from back then… we all hold these two deep in our hearts… but many of us rarely speak anymore. I wonder if their presence would have kept us together?
One former close friend posted a lovely tribute on facebook, about milestones, and how they are missed and thought of at every wedding, every girls night out, every milestone. How nice, I thought. Then I thought some more. I very nearly went with my friends that fateful day. I probably would have if I hadn’t had a boy visiting from the city. If I’d been with them, if I’d gone that day… I’d be included in those ‘love you always and forever’, ‘miss you always’ etc. etc. lovely messages, thought of at every wedding, engagement, missed at every outing.
But… I’m still here. I’ve missed the weddings. I’ve missed the engagements. I missed the random nights out. Not because I died, but because we drifted apart. I’m not even sure how much of that was my doing or theirs.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this.